пятница, 7 августа 2020 г.

The Diary Of A Wimpy Mom

I know how everyone loves these fiction book series 'Diary Of A Wimpy Kid" by Jeff Kinney. Inspired by these hilarious stories I tried to put some words together into a 'Diary Of A Wimpy Mom' and my daughter helped to illustrate it. But the last two pictures are mine. My English is not perfect and sometimes I get back to editing :)

July, 3rd

Bee accident


It was the first half of July and I was doing my laundry. I was standing there in the garden, putting the washing on the line to dry when suddenly I felt something, or rather someone, moving in my pants. I patted myself on the butt without thinking. Oh my God! It felt like a bee. It was a bee, 'cause it stung me! 

-"Ouch!" - I let out a shriek and started to unzip my trousers. These were the wide leg trousers, loose enough for a bee to crawl up my leg all the way up to my bum. Which it did! 




I put down my trousers only halfway to let the bee fly away. But it did not work. I felt it at once when I zipped up again. 

- "Ouch! Ouch!" - I let out a shriek again because now it stung me twice in my knee. 

Oh good, now it is even deeper to reach out for. I had to take my trousers off and turn them inside out to shake the bee out of them. And then I realised that all this shrieking and dancing attracted too much attention to my personality while I had no trousers on. So awkward.

- "No, thanks, thanks, neighbours, I need no help." - I mumbled and put my trousers on again.





July, 12th

Just a swim


We had a very rainy July this year. In fact the water in the river was high and muddy over and over again, and once the river even swallowed the bridge. But when the sun shone down again and the water level was getting lower, I started longing for a swim. It felt so right to take a dip so I did not hesitate to grab my swimming suit and took my daughter with me. I knew the water was still high, so I made Tasya put her arm-bands on. We went down to the river where we met a fisherman with his daughter. The fisherman was really surprised to see us heading to the river.



And we were determined to take a dip. Only I hadn't realised at once that it was almost impossible to struggle that current especially with a kid in the arm bands by my side. Tasya was floating away quickly and I had to follow her. We could not climb up the bank where we had plunged into the water. I thought like this: if I could not help it I'd better relax and enjoy this journey. I guess someone ashore almost started to panic. But we didn't care. I kept saying to Tasya: "let's enjoy it as much as we can, babe, let this new experience happen to you and me"



The river carried us away and we watched its banks at a new angle. I've never ventured into such a long swim before. I am afraid of unknown waters. And I was grateful to Tasya for being by my side. I guess sometimes courage comes when there is someone you have to take care of. It works both ways: you may feel better if there is someone stronger or if there is someone weaker by your side. This was the moment when I knew I got the guts. It felt amazing!



Meanwhile my husband must have come to the river bank, found our slippers and towel and made the most terrible conclusion.




We drifted past several paths, we did not hurry to climb ashore at all. We were taking our time to choose the best place, of course our destination was so-called 'Kids beach'. There was no beach, and the only landmark there was a tall tree with a bench which was just few inches above the water. We walked up the flooded path. Splash! Splosh! We did it! When we walked all the way up to the spot where we had started, I sent Tasya to collect our slippers and the towel. And I turned my way straight home to meet my younger kid.


My husband was worried, just as I had thought. He said I was insane to take Tasya to such a trip. I said I did not take her, but the waters took us. But it was not as risky as you might think, actually you could climb ashore anywhere you would like to. No extreme. And if you had been really worried, then why wasn't you happy to see me safe and sound? Was it this teach and preach thing? - Stop it. We had fun and it was worth it. It was amazing! Go and try it yourself.



Eventually Tasya came back with no slippers and no towel but with a confused face. She said the man on the river assured that our belongings were taken by some grandpa… And she had no clues who it might have been. It made me laugh!

Okay, we had one more case when people took your dad for your grandpa. No wonder: he was forty-three when you were born, and forty-nine when Boris was born. He is not a young parent, let's face it.


Tasya said she would like to have this story in her diary, if she had one. But she is way too young to write all these words, so she made the pictures instead. 



August, 5th

Scavenger hunt

Okay we've gone through the rise and fall of the Moscow river this summer. Now I have a story to tell about having really shallow waters in it. It was when even our youngest could walk in it safely exploring new islands. Finally he had some sand to play with! We built a sand castle! 

To my greatest surprisewe saw a canoe passing by. I was sure it was going to get stuck for a couple of times on its way. There were just not enough water for such sport.

- I hope, your canoe has got some wheels... - I said.

- Like a skate? - said my daughter, - Wow! A skate-boat - sounds cool!

We went on to explore the river and we found lots of stuff.

But the most important trophy was a relic bottle of french perfume wich said "Pinaud" with the letters that you could still feel with your fingers.